You may be here wondering how much do I help? If I do am I enabling? Will this work this time? Am I bad for helping again? Am I bad for not helping this time? All you may know is that you love them, but that you are at your end with the lying, manipulation, disrespect, stealing, and the list goes on.
First of all, the actions of your loved one are not your fault. As Al-Anon says, "I did not cause it, I can not cure it, I can't control is, but I can contribute to it."
So if you are considering helping them get started, we do have some suggestions where the line is between helping and enabling. But this is not a short answer, so click here if you wish to proceed.
Addiction is often said to be a family disease because, unfortunately, each member of the family has been affected. So during this time, we recommend that the family work towards their own healing as well. We highly recommend Al-Anon or similar 12 step support group.
THE RIGHT SOLUTION?
Sober living is not a magic pill. Neither is detox, treatment, or even going to 12 step meetings regularly. In our opinion, the "magic pill" is in a person's commitment to working the 12 steps and integrating them into their lives on an ongoing basis.
Detox and treatment are places where people go to clear out they're system, to "get away" for awhile, to learn about themselves and addiction.
Into Action Sober Living is where people who are ready and willing to go to any length go to actually BEGIN their new life of sobriety. We provide action oriented structure and accountability to help ensure they stay focused on that path.
We believe that literally almost anyone who is working a strong 12 Step program (and we mean ACTUALLY WORKING a program, NOT just going to meetings, etc) will not only 'make it', but will internally transform to a new individual.
Therefore we do not have an opinion on whether a person needs to go to treatment first before sober living, but we do not want people to move in who are still in danger of withdrawals as they likely need rest and medical attention.
Many sober living environments may require members to go to meetings. But going to meetings, treatment, etc just isn't enough in our experience. The "Big Book" of AA states, "What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." (BB pg 85). Or in other words... It only works when you work it.
This is why Into Action members understand before they move in that making consistent progress in their 12 step work, meeting attendance, utilizing a sponsor, and studying the literature are all requirements. At the same time, this is not an overnight process. But provided they follow the directions of the house and actively make the 12 Steps their priority, then they will change.
Have hope because as the Big Book talks about in Step 9:
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." Pg 83-84 BB